Signs of a Toxic Person

We've all known one even without realizing it. Whether you're 12 or 21, toxic traits can be hiding inside one of your best pals or family. Or maybe you want to see if you're exhibiting toxic behavior. The following post includes scenarios that describe examples of toxic behaviors.

Word of the day: Schadenfreude—(German) Finding joy in someone else's misfortune. Schaden- “harm” or “damage” Freude- “joy.”

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Is there a certain pattern to how they communicate with you? For example, do they only call when they need money or attention? Does your friend only seem happy when you're covering for them? This could be a huge warning sign. Toxic people are often selfish people who use others for their own happiness or desires. They only associate you as a tool in their kit of happiness.

They bring you down

Real friends or family members should instead make you feel better on your bad days. Toxic people crush your emotions to lift up their own spirits. Hearing "You're useless to me." from a father can cause so many devastating effects.

Allows for Destruction

It's often said that a true friend is someone who supports and celebrates your good habits and achievements. However, if this person also supports your worst habits or allows you to harm your health or hurt others, then it's best to steer clear of interactions.

Untrustworthy

Do they tell other family or friends about your personal conversations?

If your friend is always gossiping about others, what makes it odd of them to do the same to you? People who have no regards for others personal space/ property/ privacy make more.

They threaten or blackmail you

Courtney constantly jokes about and brings up your embarrassing secret and threatens to reveal it when she gets mad. Austin says he will spread your private photos if you break up with him for cheating.

Controlling behaviors

No regards for your safety

Does your partner ever hit you as a joke and not take into consideration that it hurts because it's a "joke"? Physical abuse can come from any gender. If someone continues to hit you even when you tell them to stop or that it hurts, or endangers you for their own entertainment, it's time to get away and to safety.

Emotionally abusive

This (may be triggering to many)episode of Super nanny shows a toxic, emotionally abusive alcoholic stepfather.

They steal from you or destroy your property

Continuous lies

Acting out in anger

Not supportive of your dreams

"It'll be stupid to go there." "You're not smart enough to do that." "Why would someone like you do that?" Hurtful comments about your future dreams or aspirations from someone you care about can crush anyone's spirits.

They don't listen to or respect you

When people are angry or hurt, a different side is shown. Be sure to believe the actions that are displayed continuously. For example, does your partner call you a b***h when he's mad for discussing your need for change in the relationship? Or your parent calling you stupid for not measuring up to their "standards"?

Judging and or bullying

An uncle telling his niece that she's probably not going to get far with her looks, a cousin telling their male cousin he's "too skinny", a "friend" picking on things the other is most sensitive about. Bullying often results in body and self esteem issues, more bullying from the victim, emotional and psychical harm, self harm, and anxiety, and so much more. Anyone can classify as a bully no matter what they are to you.

They don't allow/ judge you for/ tell you not to grieve

Repeating the same "mistakes" and expecting forgiveness immediately

They publicly embarrass you to impress others

Most of us enjoy a good laugh and tease. Teasing friends is often a mutual action for fun. However, there's a limit for teasing of course. Have you ever been insulted by a "friend" in front of someone they wanted to make laugh? I am not talking about playful banter but actual hurtful or embarrassing comments that they know hurts you.

Racist/ colorist/ xenophobic/ misogynist/ homophobic

Has your father ever insulted your boy/girl friend just because of their race or skin color? Or does your friend always tease the color of your skin or the shape of your body to the point that you're insecure? Stay away from the people that make you feel unloved, insecure, and or and life will be much better. Never let anyone tell you to be more feminine or masculine. Just be yourself!

They only come back into your life for their own gain

Were you disowned for being yourself but the person that disowned you came back when they wanted something or needed help? Did a classmate talk to you only after you gained popularity or changed your appearance?

They love to hate you/ Schadenfreude

Toxic people are never happy for you, in fact, they may even be happier from your sorrows! Jealously, envy, and schadenfreude can easily ruin any relationship.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes, including low self-esteem, thereby rendering the victim additionally dependent on the gaslighter for emotional support and validation. Using denial, misdirection, contradiction, and misinformation, gaslighting involves attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim's beliefs. Instances can range from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents occurred, to belittling the victim's emotions and feelings, to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. The goal of gaslighting is to gradually undermine the victim’s confidence in their own ability to distinguish truth from falsehood, right from wrong, or reality from delusion, thereby rendering the individual or group pathologically dependent on the gaslighter for their thinking and feelings.

credit:wikipedia

What to Do?

If you're in a bush about what to do about your toxic relationship,

the best solution would be to break up, move on, and find better friends. Losing the friend or family member will hurt like hell, but at least you'll be free from the cruel toxicity of a false friendship. Make deal-breakers for your relationships. (Example: You won't let yourself be used, cheated on, or hit.) Discuss the dealbreakers with them and talk about situations and comments that made you uncomfortable, sad, or angry. Speak up for yourself and your beliefs.

Get counseling or therapy- together- or recommend that they do. When breaking up or cutting someone out of your life, be sure to keep the safety of yourself, your children/ family, and friends in mind. Alert others and authorities of dangerous situations. Record and keep evidence and backup in a safe place. Research the different types of abuse and manipulation and keep track of the person's behavior in different situations.

Join groups and chats to discuss your experiences with others who have similar stories. Contact hotlines if you are sensing danger!